My mother and I were always high conflict until around seven years ago. Up until that point, I’d always thought she was a really mean person and maybe even crazy. I think many of you can probably relate. The pivotal moment that led to the change was when she tried to introduce me to a guy to marry. I was 30 or so, and as my dad liked to joke, my expiration date was approaching. Of course, I said no to meeting this total stranger. She asked why, and I finally broke down and told her that I’d been in a relationship for over five years with someone.

That conversation was the first time I’d ever confided in my mom about anything. I’d grown up feeling like I could never turn to my parents for help, which is pretty sad. But that day, my mom listened, asked questions, and thanked me for telling her. That’s when I realized I was so wrong about who she was. This transformation in our relationship has taught me several key lessons.

Breaking the Silence

Growing up, I kept secrets from my parents because I didn’t trust them. I didn’t want to hear their opinions because I was so sure they’d be yelling at me. What I didn’t know back then was how much that really hurt them. The turning point came when I revealed my long-term relationship during a conversation about marriage. My mom’s reaction was not what I expected. She was understanding and supportive, which made me realize the importance of honesty in building a healthy relationship.

Lesson Learned: You cannot have a healthy, loving relationship if there’s no honesty. I thought I was being clever by lying or keeping things from them, but they always knew. Our parents aren’t stupid. So, I decided to stop holding back and show my parents my real life, even if it was uncomfortable. Plus, it was exhausting trying to keep track of what they were allowed to know.

Embracing Honest Communication

I used to fear negative reactions and conflict. But I decided to be open about my thoughts and feelings, even if it was uncomfortable. My parents don’t always like what I have to say, and sometimes they get mad, but I had to learn to trust that we would work through it. And we do. It helps to use communication skills properly.

Lesson Learned: Trusting that relationships can survive honest communication and conflict is crucial. You must be able to tell people what you really think and trust that y’all will still be okay. This improved our trust and ability to work through disagreements.

Updating My Perception of My Mother

I realized I was holding on to an outdated image of my mom. I was making all my decisions on what to share with her based on incorrect assumptions about how she would react. Because of that, I was keeping our relationship from growing. So, I decided to treat her as the highest version of herself, no matter what she did or said.

Lesson Learned: The importance of reassessing and updating our perceptions of loved ones cannot be overstated. This allowed our relationship to grow and evolve positively.

Final Thoughts on Transforming Relationships

Recapping the transformation in my relationship with my mother, I’ve learned that honesty, trust in communication, and reassessing perceptions are key. It’s been an ongoing journey of maintaining and nurturing a healthy relationship.

So, ask yourself: Are you holding back from being honest with your loved ones? Are you afraid of conflict? Are you viewing them through an outdated lens? Remember, relationships can grow and evolve if we allow them to. Don’t make the mistake of assuming you know what someone is feeling. What you see on the surface doesn’t always reflect what’s actually going on.

Let’s continue to work on our relationships with honesty, trust, and an open mind. Change is possible, and it starts with us.