Embracing the Unpredictability of Depression: A 20-Year Journey of Acceptance and Healing

Understanding Mental Health: Embracing the Journey

It's been 20 years, and I think I finally learned to stop holding expectations about depression—what it should and shouldn’t look like, and what it means about me. This realization has been a pivotal part of my journey towards understanding mental health.

The Reality of Living with Depression

Depression can affect anyone, regardless of their achievements or life circumstances. You can be a high achiever and still have depression. You can have seasons where you're super productive and on fire, accomplishing all the things. And then other seasons where it's a struggle to even get out of bed and brush your teeth.

Depression's nature is often fluctuating. It may show up just once in your life, or, if you're like me, it’s that frenemy that keeps popping back up. The first time I was diagnosed with depression was in undergrad. It came back when I was in law school, again when I was at Amazon, in 2020, and again this year. Each time, it felt like I was back at square one. This wasn’t how my life was supposed to look.

The Impact of Expectations and Self-Perception

The burden of expectations—both societal and personal—can be overwhelming. We often have a picture of what life "should" look like, and when reality doesn't match up, it can prevent us from seeking the help we need. For years, the expectation of who I was supposed to be and the life I was supposed to have kept me from asking for support.

Confronting and accepting one's past is crucial. I grew up in an abusive childhood, and as much as we want to, you don't get to just chop away pieces of yourself and ignore them forever. Those parts are you, and the more you resist or ignore them, the more deadweight you create in your life. Acknowledging and integrating all parts of oneself, including past traumas, is essential for mental health.

Taking Action Towards Healing

Seeking professional help is a vital step towards healing. Working with a therapist or a coach can provide the support and guidance needed to navigate through depression. These professionals can help you confront the truth about your life and work through the challenges.

Self-help strategies and resources are also valuable. Reading personal development books and engaging in self-help materials can offer practical steps for initiating change. Remember, nothing changes if nothing changes. Small actions can lead to significant improvements in your mental health journey.

Conclusion

Living with depression is a complex and often recurring experience. The burden of expectations and the need to confront one's past are significant aspects of this journey. However, taking action—whether through professional help or self-help strategies—can lead to meaningful change.

So, what can you do today to start your journey towards healing? Seek help, embrace your journey, and make proactive changes in your life. Change is possible, but it requires acknowledging the truth about yourself and taking consistent steps towards healing. Remember, you are not alone, and there is always hope for a better tomorrow.